This is a rather philosophical question, I know.
I ask it as a way of analysing your family dynamics, particularly for children related issues.
Is it important to look back and reflect, possibly more on the wrong doings than the positives, to really help you to move forward in your life?
When parents separate, defining the time that each parent spends with the children can be incredibly difficult and often an overwhelming and arduous task.
Frequently, it’s not even just about time. Emotions can run high when looking at a child’s relationship with their parents, both separately and collectively, and how these relationships will change going forward as your child grows and develops.
This is also applicable to inter-sibling relationships. A prime, and very topical, example of this is what is happening right now with the Princes in the Royal Family. I find it very sad that the media portray that there is no way back for Prince William and Prince Harry and that they shall never be able to resolve their differences. This is particularly the case since the searing revelations of Prince Harry’s recently released biography.
We all know that family disputes are a very subjective topic, and there is certainly no rule book, nor is there a “one-size-fits-all” policy when it comes to resolving disputes.
It is very upsetting to accept it, but the honest truth is that all families face stress, difficulties and at times a great deal of strain. However, the most significant and profound point to consider is how you move on from those difficult times.
This is entirely a matter of choice.
These thought provoking questions do not necessarily apply solely to private family matters. They can be adopted to other areas such as your workplace too. If you are struggling in your workplace due to feeling vulnerable in some way, or possibly unappreciated or victimised, you will naturally be asking yourself questions such as Do I really belong here? Is this a culture I want to be a part of? Am I respected?
These may even be reflective questions which you may ask of yourself later in time after your employment has come to an end.
The fact of the matter is that we should look back to help us to move forward, on the basis that the lessons you have learnt from past experience, whether positive or negative, can be inputted into your future decision making. This should be done in such a way in order for you to make well considered and productive decisions for your future life.
This applies to both decisions for yourself and for your family.
Of most importance, is trying your utmost to manage emotional intelligence and respect others viewpoints. You should wherever possible, find a way to reconcile your differences. Or, at very least, narrow those areas of dispute. Simply put, this can be put into practise in the following ways.
- Engaging and listening to one another.
- Focus on future needs, predominantly of the children of the family, but also of each other, both together and separately.
What really matters beyond all else is the decision you make right now. There is an argument to say that looking back or looking forward is simply ignoring the present. Whilst there may be arguments either side, it is true that the decisions we make in the now are the most important as they lead us on to the next chapter.
If you need more help or advice on divorce matters, please call Jemma on 07534 175310 for advice.
Jemma Wentworth is a family lawyer who offers family law services throughout the UK as a Consultant Legal Executive for Ann McCabe Solicitors.